Saurabhdixit’s Blog

anjaan man bhatkta hua,
kuch sochta aur kuch kahta,
par na jane kyon ek hi shabd,
din raat mere honto me rahta.

waqt aur samay,
aadmi ko kab hai inki khabar,
lekin shabd aur sangit,
bas jate hai dil main kahin.

tanhayi main nahi hai man par zor,
bolta hun kuch kuch nahi hai hosh,
ek hi shabd aata hai man mein meet,
kuch bhi bolun lagta hai “pilibhit”

There is this lady, her name is Parul. Dad, can I get 10000 bucks, I need to buy new shoes for myself. OK just transfer some money into my account, that would be fine. “Oh I have to hurry up, party is about to begin”, said Parul.Hi Parul, “you asked me about some job, you wanted to do something of your own”, said Sam, who was also present in that party. ” ya ya but I am not in hurry I am just 24 and who needs money”.
OK guys I have to go now, said Parul.
“Mam, can I get 1 Rs coin, I have to eat “, asked a beggar of about 14yr old. You people never understand anything, why you always want our money. You can work, or you can go to schools to get some scholarships. Shame on you.
Tring Tring ….Oh hello dad, ya Sam told me about that job, but I am not in hurry, I need some more time to enjoy.
Beggar was looking at her with a little smile with his hand on his empty stomach.

Can you see me,
you do, I exist,
can you feel me,
you do, I exist,

Is it always dark,
no, it cant be,
Am I invisible,
no, science doesn’t allow.

Are you blind,
No you laugh at me,
Are you dumb,
no papers don’t show.

Do you pretend,
may be depends,
And why me,
reason is hidden.

If nothing is clear,
If every other thing is so clear,
finding reason may get you bored,
so at last question remains,
why I have been ignored.

When I see back I find a moving space,
that space is nothing, but a combination of frames
move them fast and you will get a picture,
my life is slow, n so discontinuous.

Is it moving or is it still,
i can’t observe any change,
whether its light or moving thoughts,
running behind it, is not going to get it caught.

I love music n I love my girl,
n some says love is what, its life,
taste changes n breakup happens,
but my life is same without changes.

I am high or the world is low,
my mind revolves or earth is slow,
my eyes are blind or you are shivering,
don’t tell me dude, my mind is wondering

Its the fear, what fear,
who is who,
doors are closed,
n i am alone.

Heaven is open or the hell is closed,
i am sure i don’t want to go,
whether a tunnel or a guy on goat,
i want some time to decide to go.

is it cold or i am scared,
tea is hot or my lips are soft,
keys have changed or my mind has gone,
letters are small or my eyes are wrong.

All those friends are gone,
All those songs are missing,
worries coincide,
forgive me mom; i am committing suicide.

those tags are fixed,
n my name is hidden,
worries coincide,
forgive me mom; i am committing suicide.

time is changing too fast, to fast to see ,
my hopes are becoming too dark, to dark to see,
no change is left, no color is visible,
worries coincide,
forgive me mom; i am committing suicide.

she is red or she is blue,
but i am sure, there should be a clue.
neither her eyes nor her hair,
its the clue that hints the stare.

definition is there n ideas are there
i am finding the clue but don’t know where.
i am on my way but the road is blocked
what i am doing is; finding a slot.

ohh my god they look at the stars,
but they seems like a lady with scars.
ok, lets start with a moon
what i see is a broken spoon.

why i am doing this; reason should be there.
it is becoming a cycle n i don’t know start from where.
collecting those clues may not work,
like joining those droplets cannot make a soap bubble.

i found a way to get rid of it,
making an axiom to finish it.
those are like infinity you can never reach
so adding anything is no going to finish my speech.

He is standing in the front of a window, looking at the moon. Must be thinking, but what? Most of the time its either you or society you abuse. or the happy moments of life. May be its his high school he is thinking of. He was a bright student those days. A skinny, dark brown medium guy he was. Love at that age is like nail, you cannot remove it completely. And in mathematical term it could be one to many. Within a good limit of cutoff, that many was two. Well he was bright so tried to cover a big range, one was a classmate and other one was a computer teacher. The year passed and he was a topper. Congratulations from everywhere, either from heart or just verbal. He was really happy but shy.
Then came after 16th stage, the pressure for gaining a lot was at the top. Science, ohh yes science was (actually is) a toppers choice (really). And his love, well they were different now. And how can you eat rice without spoon( actually you can but that would be low on sophistication scale). Actually I forgot why I am using this line. He had choices but only one option. Well he started noticing girls at this stage, more physically. Tried for the best institute and got selected. Social compulsion forced him to feel happy. Well he was happy or not, noone knows not even he.
Institute taught him a lot, now he could speak “fuck” between the sentences. Made a lot of friend. Well he didn’t have much choices and so had to decide good one from them. The time passed in-between the ragging and so. He got below average marks, first time in his life. He was depressed and thinking, what I don’t know. I can only tell what I can see as an author. Inside I don’t know. You can call me a soul who can see the things around, but I am not a god.
This was his past. At present he is depressed, looking at the moon and I am trying to guess what?
“What are you looking at Mohan”. Nothing Meesum. “Ohh the moon, I also love it but in pair but pink spot would be much better..don’t you think so.”, said meesum. “Fuck off you retard”, said Mohan. Well now he is quite comfortable in using the word “Fuck”. Meesum went after that but I don’t know why, he was scratching his ass. Later I shall discover that actually it was a tattoo he was trying to fix by scratching it. And now I am going back to Mohan’s room. Shit, where is he. Toilet, Vishal, balcony ..ohh yes, but where is he going? What am I seeing, the only single person in the library is Mohan.